Money is hardly ever a good motivator, “But wait!”, you say, “We all like money and need money”. The “want” of money isn’t enough- you’ll desire what you want in the moment to distract you, because your WHY isn’t greater than your discomfort or achieving what it is you say you want.
Boil down the goal to WHY you want it:
-What bills do you want paid specifically?
-What vacation are you working toward?
-How will it feel when you get that bill paid?
-Who are you going to enjoy this with?
-How do they feel about your goals?
-How are you going to achieve this?
-What will it feel like when you hit it?
Basically you have to reverse engineer your goal from what it will feel like to achieve it. If that feeling isn’t strong enough, your motivation will go take a nap when things get tough. Be really clear, so clear, that you can taste it and feel it.
I want to loose weight.
If my “why” is to look good to others, it’s probably not enough to tip the brownies away from me. If the “why” is to look like I did in high school, it’s probably not enough as I will just compare myself to sexy, full figured women, who are a fuller sexy than they were in high school. OR I am comparing myself to another who is the “ideal” of what I want, and as comparison is about shaming another or yourself, it’s not a positive or motivating emotion. If I just want to fit into a dress for a certain event, then I’m setting myself up for weight gain right after the event.
If I want to loose weight because my cholesterol is high and I look into the eyes of my children and realize that when my uncle died at 42, that’s too young to leave my kids. I want to not just loose weight, I want to get healthy and teach my children habits that will help us all live into a ripe old age. That taps positive and hopeful emotions, which are more likely to motivate us, rather than shame.
See how getting into the feeling changes it? When the “WHY” lacks motivation, you can pick up that feeling with health, wellness, and protecting your family- mull it over in your hands like it is a tangible object.
Feelings are what derail us, but they are also what can put us back on course.
The bigger the steps you setup for yourself, the more your sub-conscious brain (whose job it is to keep you comfortable) will feel stretched and uncomfortable and resist you. Break action steps into little itty bitty small steps so that your brain didn’t see it coming.
-Commit to parking further away.
-Get a friend you love chatting with and set up a regular activity that is physical…or during these times, you can FaceTime with them!
-Invite your kids to go play frisbee with you.
-Plan a hike to a waterfall.
As your brain discovers that these things didn’t kill you, you can tell it “See, we like the idea of doing more. It feels good”.
As great as bold steps are, they can stretch us so far- we tear a muscle. If it’s a hard goal you’ve set for yourself, break it into little itty bitty steps that will help you alter your normal process, and thus alter your habits that made this such a hard thing for you in the first place. By giving yourself little adjustments, you are more likely to make a lifestyle change.
3. Knowledge- Learning slows resistance. I find it funny that we can convince ourselves of anything if we do a internet search. All the knowledge and all the false knowledge is out there. If there are people who think we didn’t land on the moon, or that the Holocaust didn’t happen, we can seek out information to back up any idea, no matter which side you are on. If your wanting to improve how you feel about something, you can find a multitude of information to help move that idea to a belief, including: Community support, podcasts, books, and social media groups.
Around 5 years ago, a friend of mine had a hernia. When she saw me cooking from a can, she thought I was the nut job of crazy town that I would feed my kids poison in a can. I made sure she watched as I throughly cleaned out every ounce of canned toxic poison into my family dinner. She is all things of health and nutrition. I get it- she is healthier, but her approach made me think she was crazy restrictive, even as much as I like her. I still use canned goods. In contrast, my sister-in-law is a nutritionalist and took me shopping with her. She showed me helpful little ways I could feed my family easier and healthier and taught me how to do it. I was able to make little adjustments, it was fun and empowering. The other day, as my cousin was visiting from Afghanistan (he is military contractor and we are his stateside home for a few weeks while he moves to Kuwait), he commented on how healthy our food was and how much he loved how our food made him feel. He wanted me to teach him how I have done it. I realized that I have opened very few cans, we eat mostly raw foods, very little meat. Due to my hubby having a heart condition, I am motivated by love for him, not the fear of the evil cans. I made little adjustments and now I too may be viewed as a health nut. However, I will never ever ever give up milk, hahaha!
4. Accountability- I hinted at this with finding a community that supports you. I’m sure you have all heard that a goal written down is 80% more likely to be achieved, a shared goal is too much more likely to be achieved. I am such a believer in accountability-it’s kind of a thing with me. So to not go off on a tirade of how crucial accountability is to everything, here are some simple ways to bring accountability into your goals:
-Talk about it.
-Write about it.
-Share about it.
One of the reasons I love social media is that people share their successes. If you want to share your goals with me, I’d be honored. The key is sharing with those that see you often- it will carry the most impact for you.
Speaking of goals, my family is waiting for me, and I have a goal to raise human beings that feel heard, loved, and honored! One of the ways we do that is by gathering each night we are able to for family connection time, prayers, and scheduling.
Good luck to you in your goals!!