I heard it said this way from a friend who heard it online, its resonated and connected so deeply it’s a triggering truth now.
As parents, we are not engineers. Think about what engineers do: they plan, design, and help put into creation what they envisioned. No, parents are sheperds. Parents guide, provide a safe place to sleep and eat, watch over, they keep the wolves away.
Often, people tell me what great kids I have. They are great humans. But this is not due to LoverMan and I. Yes ,we gave them a safe place, we did our best to teach and role model life’s best character traits, but how our kids have turned out is due to them and the people they are choosing to be.
I have often said that ideal parenting means you give your kids more choices, poopy parenting means you are what your kid will have to overcome. Most parents, like Nathan and I are doing the best we can, we don’t have it all figured out, and evidently this is good, it shows kids that happiness is not about control. Love is not about dominion.
Choices are available but the consequences are not negotiable. If we seek to make our kids into what we think they should be we are delaying their self knowing. All we are to do is give them opportunities in safety to figure out their gifts to the world.
This not about us parents, it is about them thriving in their life.