I love beyond snot my kids.
They are my greatest joy. I love being a mom. I have loved being a mom even though it made me wonder why any mother that didn’t have hand sanitizer, disposable diapers, and a washing machine survived and is still sane. Our poor mothers.
We who have been there laugh bitterly and then more heartily as our kids grow and stop smearing bodily fluids in the crevices of our day. Soooo funny now.
Oh, you are still there? Well trust me, you will laugh over this —what is making you cry on the floor today, wondering how you will make it, will be hilarious later. H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S.
Having fought with the sinews of my soul to become a mom (10 pregnancies) its so worth the miscarriages, the doubts, the wrenching losses to hold my children, I would do it again. I got three! 3 out of 10 isn’t bad! Ok, I was never good at math…that may not be the best averages— sometimes I look at my kids doing something simple, and this feeling of awe hits me.
I almost didn’t get this.
This moment right here.
I could have missed it.
So simple. I can’t even explain it to you, you wouldn’t get it. It’s a simply perfect simple moment with my child– beautiful because of its simplicity, and I am deeply aware I could have given up on becoming a mom. I even had a mom tell me it wasn’t worth it. This wasn’t a casual acquaintance, this was a close relation in my life. They told me “It wasn’t worth what you are putting yourself through (miscarriages), you have the perfect excuse to not be a mother. You can do whatever you want, for you, and no one can judge you, you tried.” Lucky me. I could see her imagining this mythical free life. It shocked me that she could have kids and not feel they were worth any sacrifice. In my experience, that is exactly what becoming and being a mom has required; sacrifice- beyond comprehension.
It’s a mom-mission of biblical proportions.
So moms, let’s be honest…so many of us are not good at this. I am not talking about YOU reading this (stop the mom guilt) if you care about mothering, you are way better at it than you think. The “bad” moms I am talking about are the ones we read about in the crime section of the news. The ones we don’t read about that tell the young children they don’t want or love them.
We expect our moms to be perfect, and yet, what about our job as adult kids?
Be nice to your mom for goodness sake!
Now I sound like a cheesy Christmas carol. “Be good for goodness sake!”. I admit a prejudice if you can’t be nice to your mom, civil, you are probably not a very nice person. Yep, I said it. Be a nice person be nice to your imperfect mother.
And it not like being a mom is easy.
I wake up in the morning and I get to spend time with two of my kids. Not three. Not all of them.
I won’t hear a word from her.
Not one stinkin’ word.
I will feel this deeply in every kind gesture, every spoiling act from my kids. I feel her missing. It rips me apart but I smile and savor what I have. She isn’t ignoring me because she feels I failed as a mom. In fact, in raising her to leave home I did a great job, even in really hard times, I held it together. She has sent no card, no phone call– she isn’t contacting me because she died.
I have so many emotions about the coming day that I laid alert in bed asking sleep to return. I thought I could share this with you.
There is no earthly reason for you not to call your mom.
I was born in 1973 the year Roe vs. Wade became legal. So if you are younger than 43 your mom didn’t have to birth you. Your mom gave you life. Even if she screwed up more than not, you can call her, and say thanks for giving me life, and then if she goes ballistic yelling obscenities at you than you can say, “wow, miraculously I am not so messed up.” Pat yourself on the back for not being a burden to society and be pleased that you did your child duty. I am going to take a wild stab at statistics…a really wild stab here, as I’ve done no actual number crunching for this: 98.4% of moms will probably not go ballistic at a call from you.
Actual scientific results (note prior disclaimer):
36% will cry a little when you call
17% will talk about something meaningless and you will wonder why you called
3% will recite your birth story and comment on the state of their mental sanity
24% will have an awkward conversation with little sweet perfect moments
20% of moms your call will be the highlight of their year
“I love you, mom”.
I will never hear those words from my daughter Katelynn until the day I die.
I’ve missed so many simple moments.
Don’t miss a moment with your mom that you can choose to have. She too may be up in the middle of the night wondering if she will hear from you.