It has been a hot minute (see what I did there??) since I have shared to this blog. I am going to get back into this habit! Thank you for showing interest in my blog posts and I am sorry they have been MIA.
I am going to be brutally honest- it is hard to be “out there”; my cousins think I am a celebrity. I laugh because only once did I have anything close to a paparazzi experience, a lady followed my son and I around Kohls and then shared on Facebook about how down to earth I was. I reminded her later that I was a part-time speaker, but a full-time mom. I’ve had people see me without my make up and be upset that I am not living up to my brand, which is hilarious, you mean the same brand that wiggled my tooth? I have never tried to project an image of perfection. I’ve actually done the opposite; I have tried to share my ideas with an authentic voice, so it is really funny when people make up an idea about what I should be.
I’ve started working on my third book that is about my daughter who passed away, and not only did my own voices tell me that I wasn’t good enough to write this story yet, I had voices from my own family come after me. Not the people I live with, but the family I came from. I questioned my ability to share any smart ideas that could benefit you all, because how could I when there was such an ugly drama going on behind the scenes?
Every human desires to be valued. Every single one of us needs a community. So when I was being attacked again and again from my own community, I was in this spiral of self doubt. I am a confidence expert! I speak on this! I wrote a book on this! Yet here I was doubting and questioning. At that same time, my own kids were really struggling with things these aforementioned, yet not-to-be-named individuals, in my family had done and were doing. We just kind of huddled together. I wondered, as many of us did during COVID, if our careers would recover and, in my case, if the price of being “out there” was worth the price I was paying in garnering their angst.
I am sure you have read many stories like this where the writer tells you how they overcame something and are now selling a new program. Sorry to disappoint you if that is what you are wanting; I am just here to share some points of wisdom. I am selling the same things I have for years- Skincare, makeup, my books, workshops focusing on confidence, resilience, and image/self perception. See how ironic all of this is?
I got caught in the notion that prior successes some how shield us. They don’t. If anything, they paint a target on us. Just because I am a confidence expert doesn’t mean I will never have confidence struggles again. Just because I hadn’t in a long time doesn’t mean I am immune! None of us are immune to life’s woes, life just throws us more and more advanced lessons and opportunities is to lean into the lesson.
I received a text around my 48th birthday, no doubt timed to hurt me, and as I read it, reacted, and saw myself responding, I saw it all like I was watching over my own shoulder. I was in a rut, shoved there by patterns. I could feel myself muddling through this rut and until I could crawled out of the rut, I was surrounded by dirt walls.
I climbed out and I assessed my behavior. I saw the landscape of the good marred by the rut and realized that these individuals were feeding off of my pain and I was giving them a diet of it. Because I love them, I kept bringing the food they demanded. Yet, love is sometimes shown in its highest way by holding others, and ultimately yourself, accountable. In this case, accountability means withdrawing and holding a boundary so as to not play into the whole orchestrated drama.
Having done that, the flood gates have been flowing. Ultimately I learned that I was allowing myself to be stuck in a rut because it was more comfortable than enforcing a boundary. COVID has shaken up all of our lives in one way or another- I was being attacked because I am perceived as popular and they wanted me to know how much they dislike me. We are all great at something, and this may be exactly where those that are not wanting to see you soar will attack. Think about it, you cripple an eagle by clipping the wings, not gnawing on the little claw. If you’re hurting, ask yourself: “Who are you allowing to clip your wings?” We are attacked for our strengths, not our weaknesses.
I hope this message increases your ability to identify your adversity and increase your gratitude for your strengths.